Helping Your Child Cope With Divorce

Divorce can be a great next step for a couple when staying married is no longer an option. Following divorce, both people in the marriage can move on with their lives and discover who they are and what they really want. It can be a new beginning.

But when there are children involved in the divorce things can be a little bit more complicated. Here are five ways that parents can help their children cope with divorce.

Tell them you love them

It is essential when parents are getting divorced for them to reassure their children often that they love them. They can also explain that though their parents will no longer be married and may not love each other anymore, they will never stop loving them. Parents can also tell their children how important they are to them and that they want them to be happy.

Discuss changes together

Many things may be changing for the children when their parents are getting divorced. They may be moving, changing schools, having to make new friends, being watched over by new people, and seeing one parent less than they may be used to seeing them. It is a good idea for parents to take the time to sit down with their children and discuss the changes that will be happening and why. This way there will be less surprises for the children to deal with. Even if the changes are hard, at least they will be aware of them and can do more to prepare themselves.

Tell the truth

It is important for each parent to tell their children the truth about why they are getting divorced. Parents can tailor the explanation to the age of the child. Something simple, such as, "we don't get along anymore" can be a sufficient explanation for younger children who do not need a long-winded explanation. 

Older children may want a more detailed explanation. It is ok to tell older children a more detailed version of the reason their parents are getting divorced. But parents should remember not to talk negatively about their ex-spouse in the process. Explaining the facts is enough even if the child wants to talk about it more than once.

Let them talk

Children will have a lot of thoughts and feelings about their parents getting divorced. Parents should allow their children to talk to them about what is going on and about how they are feeling about all of it. During these conversations the job of the parents is mainly just to listen. If it seems like the child needs advice or help and asks for it then the parent can offer some advice.

 

Maintain structure

As much as possible, it is best to maintain structure for the children during and soon after a divorce. Children should have the same bedtime routines and bed time. They should also have the same meal times and if they are participating in any activities such as sports or lessons, they should continue to participate in them. This way the child will feel like some of their world is maintaining stability even though much is changing.

About Your Attorney

Ammon is the sole member/manager of Ammon Nelson Law, PLLC.  He has a background in a variety of legal fields, including divorce, custody, estate planning, business law (both transactions and litigation), and general litigation. Ammon attended Weber State University for his undergraduate work and later graduated with honors from the University of Utah S.J. Quinney College of Law.

Ammon received a Pro Bono Certificate for completing fifty hours of legal work for Utah Legal Services during law school by representing victims of domestic violence in Utah State Court. He was also a Senior Associate at the University Venture Fund, an 18 million dollar fund where he reviewed and analyzed the documents for complex venture capital transactions, performed business and legal due diligence, and tracked the progress of a multi-million dollar portfolio company. Ammon received a CALI Award in his New Ventures class which dealt primarily with legal contract strategy in complex business and intellectual property transactions.
Ammon is on the board of the Weber/Davis Estate Planning Council and is licensed to represent clients in Utah State Court, Utah Federal District Court, Small Claims Court, Bankruptcy Court, and Justice Court.

Prior to forming Ammon Nelson Law, PLLC, Ammon was an associate attorney at Burton Law Firm and a law clerk at Smith Knowles in Ogden, Utah and Martin, Shudt, Wallace, DiLorenzo, and Johnson in New York.  At each of these firms Ammon provided legal services in the areas of divorce, custody, personal injury, contract, real estate, estate planning, probate, and a variety of other legal areas.

When Ammon is not helping others with their legal matters, he enjoys spending time with the most important people in his life, his wife and kids.  He also enjoys playing basketball, golf, and tennis, and traveling.

5 Tips to Help You Move on After Divorce

1. Allow yourself time to grieve

Divorce is a big deal and it is ok to take time to be sad and upset. Divorce can take its toll on you both mentally and physically. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't feel like you can enjoy the activities you used to take pleasure in.  And if you are concerned that if you let yourself grieve you will never return to normal life, you can put a time frame for your grief period. Figure out how long you need to feel sad and set an end date. Although this may seem silly, it can help you get back on track after a healthy grieving period.

2. Embrace your single life

While the single life is definitely different from marriage, for many people it can be a refreshing time to rediscover who they really are. Take time to figure out who you really are and what you like to do. Have fun. Enjoy not being in a relationship for a little while.

3. Find good friends or a support group

Having good friends, especially those who are single, can be very helpful during and after your divorce. It can be hard to relate to your friends who are still married, but having a friend or two who have gone through a divorce, and understand what a roller coaster it can be, can be great to talk to. 

A divorce support group can offer the same relief to you both during and after a divorce. Sometimes it may be hard to find other single friends or single parents so attending a divorce support group can help you find others who have experienced similar situations. And it is also possible for you to find friends from the support group.

4. Take good care of yourself

Among all of the chaos that can be divorce, make sure to take time for yourself. You deserve time for a night out with friends, a good dinner, a candle lit bubble bath, or time playing golf. Make sure to schedule this time in your week. This can be especially important if you are now a single parent. Figure out who can watch your child or children for even just an hour so that you can relax and regroup.

5.  Look forward to your future

Yes, the future can look scary. It may seem daunting to look at your future without someone by your side. The obstacles that appear  may seem overwhelming. But instead of being weighed down, look at the positive aspects of your new freedom and future. What have you always wanted to do that your past relationship didn't allow? What do you want to do with your life? Make a plan to make the future you want become a reality.